The Long Answer

It comes around inevitably, when ever you're visiting home, or some old friend on facebook has decided to chat you up. That question that has made us squirm in our seats since we were seventeen, and trying to decide on which colleges we were applying to. Everyone hates to be asked it, but for some reason at one point or another, we´re all guilty of an inability not to inquire.

"What are you doing with your life?"

Then comes your explanation of living abroad and working in a foreign country, and the somewhat bashful description of "what I'm doing with my life" right now. You never want to sound too proud of yourself, and come off as braggy; but your are proud of you're accomplishments and how much you get to travel. You think your life is pretty damn cool. It's a careful balance of avoiding over and under selling yourself, which is frankly, exhausting.  At this point though, I've come to dread the responses I get back more than the question itself. They're too predictable. Well meaning, sure, but are still guaranteed to incite a cringe.

"You're so brave! I wish I could do that!"

"But what about a job? What are you going to do when you come back to real life?"

"Aren't you lonely?"

If you've ever lived abroad, I almost promise that you've heard one version or another of these. And as sincere as these responses can be, they still make you roll your eyes and spout of some generic retort about maybe someday going back to school, or having tons of friends from all over the world. But there's so much more you want to say. A longer answer that you'll never give them, because it's hard to know who wants to listen. So you bite your tongue and cruelly turn the question back around on them. Ha! Take that. What are you doing with your life?

Today, though, I thought I´d give my long answers. The ones I keep to myself when I´m politely keeping my mouth shut. The things I want to say; the explanations that make perfect sense to me, but maybe are less obvious to others.



"You're so brave! I wish I could do that!"

I am not particularly any more or less brave than you are. I did not sign up to help refugees in Libya, or decide to circumnavigate the globe on a one person sail boat. I just moved. I found an opportunity that excited me and I took it. It just so happened to take me to the other side of the world.

But I'll let you in on a secret. I didn't do anything you couldn't do too.

I've realized that there are always a thousand reasons not to do something, a thousand excuses why not--but those are things you can overcome. If you want something work for it, work hard, and don't make excuses. Save your pennies. Fill out the thirteen page application even when you have to run every sentence through Google translate. If you're scared, it's okay. Leaving your family is scary. Going to a country where they don't speak your language is scary. Navigating train and metro and bus systems somewhere unfamiliar is scary. The thing is, being scared isn't always bad.

Here, let me throw some clichés at you.

Everything else, all those other reasons you've decided you can't do something, will work themselves out. If you want something bad enough, you can work through anything. Take the plunge, buy the airline ticket. Go. I wont tell you it´s easy. It´s not. People gloss over the nitty-gritty. They forget traveling is hard, learning another language does´t happen in a month, and sometimes people just plain suck. But in the end, it´s more than worth it. It doesn't take excess bravery, it takes determination, tenacity, and passion. Things we could all use more of in our lives.



"But what about a job? What are you going to do when you come back to real life?"

First of all, let's clear one thing up.

I have a job.

Second of all, I am not on an extended vacation. I go to work, I pay bills, I have plumbing that breaks and insurance that I have to deal with. Oh, and I have to handle all of these things in a language I don't speak. How is that not real life?  I'm not on my study abroad semester, I don't have a return ticket. Traveling is one of the most important things in my life, and if I am able to support myself and do it continuously, who says I need to move back to my home country and settle down? Why is it that life is any more real than what I'm doing right now?

My job and where I am now, is right for me. I'm happy. I have problems with it, just like I would anywhere else and with any other job. But for the most part, I'm doing what I love. Maybe in the future that will change and I'll deal with that when it comes. Before I moved to Spain I had to have two jobs and work fifty hours a week to make ends meet. I was constantly exhausted, bored, and not enjoying my life. Here, in Spain, I have a quality of life that is unbeatable. I don't have to run myself ragged to pay my rent and feed myself. I never officially work more than four hours a day. I get to meet interesting people, learn about a new culture, eat delicious food. I have a socially acceptable reason to take a nap in the middle of the day. Siesta guys. If this isn't 'real life,' remind me again why I should go back?


"Aren't you lonely?"

Sometimes, yeah. Sometimes I miss my family terribly, or I get frustrated no one speaks my language. Sometimes I feel like I don't belong, or like I'm going be by myself forever. But that's okay. Just like fear, loneliness isn't the worst feeling in the world. And admitting that you don't want to be alone isn't a weakness either.

I'm okay with being alone, I'm good at it even. I know who I am, what's more is I love who I am, and I'm okay being just that. Not everyone can say they feel this way. By being alone, I've found confidence, strength, and independence. I've become more determined, tenacious, and passionate.

I don't need someone else to make me feel complete. I am a complete person on my own, I don´t want anyone else's validation, and I don´t need it to feel good about myself.  Maybe you think my independence scares off men, and maybe it does, but I don't see that as a bad thing. Let it scare of the weak ones.

I need someone who is just as independent as I am. Someone who can bring their own views and opinions, who can teach me things as much as I teach them. I am not a lump of dough to be molded in order to find a man, and I don't want a man who needs to be molded. I don't need a man who adores me and puts me on a pedestal, I need a partner in crime. I need someone who can keep up with me, who can challenge me.

Being on your own can sometimes be lonely, but that loneliness teaches you who you are and to love the things about you that you once saw as weakness. Being lonely teaches you what you want out of life, and the type of person who you want to share those things with.

Embrace loneliness, learn from it, and then move on.




Whether you're moving out of your home town, across state, across the country, or to the other side of the world, people are going to question it. They're going to worry for you, and about you. They're not going to understand. Be patient. Be kind. Explain it to them, if you can, if you have the energy.

There are lots of things to be afraid of when you do something big with your life. You can be afraid of your future, afraid of everything that will go wrong, be afraid of being lonely. But these fears shouldn't hold us back from taking risks and making big choices. With every decision we make that takes us out of our comfort zone, if nothing else, we become more determined, tenacious, and passionate.