I started babysitting when I was sixteen for families in my neighborhood, and since then have worked as a sitter, nanny, and au pair on and off. It has given me opportunities to work abroad, introduced me to amazing people, and helped me stay afloat during college. I love working with kids, and have been really lucky to work with some fantastic families, many of whom I still keep in touch with.
The first time I worked as an Au Pair I was twenty-ome and moved to Copenhagen, Denmark. Since then countless people have asked me questions about being an Au Pair. As I am now on my second Au Pair job, I thought I would answer some questions, and write down a few tips for anyone who is looking to work in this type of child care.
1. What is an Au Pair?
This is a question people ask a lot, so let's get it out of the way first. An Au Pair is (generally) a young live in nanny that is (generally) from another country other than your own. Au Pairs not only help take care of kids but (...generally) help teach another language to the children. Au Pairs are more like big siblings than nannies, they're (generally) concidered more part of the family than hired help. Theres a lot of "generally"s there, but bear with me. Some times Au Pairs help with house work, sometimes they do not. Sometimes they drive the children places, sometimes they don't. It all depends of the family and what they need. Though most positions are advertised for young women, it is not impossible for young men to find work an an Au Pair, and sometimes families specifically want a male Au Pair.
2. What can I expect as an Au pair?
As an Au Pair you should be ready to work up to about 35-40 hours a week, but many countries have laws requiring you to world less than that. You may be asked to do some light house work, or even cook for the kids. In most cases you'll live with the family so you need to respect the family dynamic and their wishes. Some family ask that you don't drink, and most families don't accept Au Pairs who smoke. They may ask you to be home by a certain time, or to check in with them if you're not coming home. Sometimes this feels like being a teenager again, but it's generally because they're worried about you and want to make sure you're okay, or because when you come home late at night you could wake up the children. Because you live with the family you're "always on" even when you're not working. Have good behavior, be a role model. Its pretty common sense. Most families understand that you're an adult and are going to go out and do adult things when you're not working, but they don't want you to bring it back to their house.
In most cases you're a big sibling. You're there to watch out for the children and play with them. You have to be firm, but loving and entertaining. Refer to the parents for any sort of discipline or if you have any issues. While you're an authority figure of sorts, the parents are the one's making choices in how to raise their children and you have to respect that.
3. Ok, so, how can I become an Au Pair?
There are lots of agencies to find au pair jobs through. The upside of an agency is that you have support of the organization once placed, and the family is checked out for you. The downside is that they generally charge a fee for these services.
I prefer the free rout, and there are several online sites you can use. I recommend AuPairWorld . It has an easy format and is really straight forward. Also, AuPairWorld has lots of helpful links and pages that keep you informed on your rights as well as scams that are going around. You just fill out the profile and then start looking for families. Their "fast match" is a really great way to find compatible families without digging through pages of profiles. Another helpful site is GreatAuPair, which has a really fantastic search method for families. Both AuPairWorld and GreatAuPair offer memberships, but i have found as an Au Pair, its not necessary to pay for membership to find a family.
4. A few tips for your profile
Definitely post a few (APPROPRIATE) pictures of yourself. Be honest (that should be obvious), and know what you're capable of. If you have never worked with infants, don't put on your profile that you can do infant care. If three kids seems overwhelming, don't accept offers with more than two kids. Make sure you answer messages promptly and politely, even if you're declining an offer make sure you add a personal note. It's just nice.
5. How do I know a family is right now me?
When you have gotten in touch with a family (or families) that seem compatible it's time to email. Email with them and ask lots of question. Ask about a daily schedule, hours, days off, home life, pay and benefits. Remember, you'll likely be living with them so its important to know that you are going to fit together. Ask to set up a Skype call so that you can talk with the family face to face. Also research the laws of the country you want to go to. Make sure what a family is asking matches up with what is legal in that country. Sometimes families who are new to having an Au Pair don't actually know these laws either, sometimes they just don't care. Many countries have pretty vague laws so use your brain and don't let yourself get talked into an unfair deal.
Continue to Skype and email with families you like and get to know them. I suggest talking to several families in order to see what your options are, but remember not to lead someone on. It's perfectly okay to tell someone you are also talking with other families. If you are offered several positions set a timeline for yourself to make a choice, and let the families know. Don't accept a position if you're not actually going to take it.
6. But how do I know these are real people and not a creepy old man sitting in his basement?
This is where I will stress Skype video calls. See the people you're considering moving to another country to live with. Ask them for their address and use Google Street View to find the house. Ask for lots of pictures, of the family, the kids, and the house. Google search the parents names and email address, etc. If they have had Au Pairs in the past, ask for them to get in touch with you. Then you can ask lots of questions you may not feel comfortable asking the family straight away. If, by chance, you know someone living or visiting the same area ask them if they would mind meeting your friend for coffee or lunch. Make sure you're comfortable with the people you're talking to before you agree to anything.
7. What I look for in a Family
- First and foremost look for a family that you feel like you'll fit in with. People who have similar interests, who are excited to share their home and culture with you, and who are interested in your culture.
- Where do you want to live? I pick several different countries I think I'd like to live in, and talk to several different families from each. I generally look for families who live in a large city, or just outside. You don't want to be stuck at the house all the time and be unable to meet people your own age. Friends are important.
- Decide how many hours you want to work and how much you think is fair to get paid. Remember, being an Au Pair is not a luxurious life style. You're not going to make that much money, but it is important you don't get ripped off.
- Decide how many kids you want to take care of, and what ages you're comfortable with. I looks for families with one to three children, from infants to teenagers.
- Decide how many days off you're okay with. Generally speaking, I expect weekends off, however with my current job I only have one day off a week.
- Remember to stand up for yourself, but be flexible. Just like any job you're not going to get everything you want.
8. Red Flags.
Some of these are for me personally, some are common sense.
- Anyone who asks you for a bank account or credit card number before you arrive. Nope. Just nope. You don't need to give them that information. If they're going to "refund you for a plane ticket" they can do so when you arrive.
- Anyone who asks you for money. Again, nope. You're being hired to do a job, that you should be paid for. There is no reason you should be giving a family any money at all. Paperwork for visas does cost money in many countries, and if the family wants you to pay for that, pay it directly to the visa offices.
- Families who expect you to share a room with the children. To me, this is an absolutely not. You're already giving up quite a bit of freedom living with them. Personal space is a must.
- Anyone with no children who wants a "personal assistant." Um, no. This is a creepy guy in his basement.
- People who have had several Au Pairs but aren't willing to give you a reference.
- People who want you to do more house work than child care. You are not a maid, while you may be asked to do some cleaning, the majority of your time should be spent with the children.
9. What do I do if I don't get along with my family?
I have been so, extremely, lucky to get a long really well with all the families I've worked for. I've never had a bad experience and I've never felt unwelcome or uncomfortable. But I have seen some friends go through the stress of needing to find a new family. Here's some things you can do if you need to quickly remove yourself from a position.
- If you do not want to or cannot continue to wok for your family start looking immediately for a new position online. Find families in the area who would like you to start right away, you'd be surprised how easy this is.
- Reach out to Au Pair support groups in your area for help. There is generally a facebook group, or a website, or a local meeting you can go to. Researching these groups before you leave your home country is always a good idea.
- If you need to leave immediately and cannot find an Au Pair support group, reach out to the CouchSurfers community to find a place to stay short term (extremely short term, generally two-three nights). Or, if you can afford it, a more long term option is to check into a hostel.
- If you are being harmed or feeling threatened in any way, immediately call or go to your embassy or the police. Here is a list of emergency numbers worldwide.
- Remember, if it is possible to leave your position amicably, it's the best. If you can, or are comfortable, tell your family that you don't think that things are working and that you will be leaving in a given amount of time.
10. Ups and Downs
There are lots of pros and cons to being an Au Pair.
There is no way to get around the fact that you lose independence. You depend on the family not only for food and shelter, but as a cultural guide. Like I said before, because you live with the family, you're always "On" which means you can't necessarily relax like you would in your own home. Sometimes children are exhausting, and having endless energy and patience to deal with this can be extremely difficult. Sometimes you don't agree with the parenting methods, kids can be real monsters, and its hard to step away from that and just do your job.
Personally, I think the pros outweigh the cons. being an Au Pair is an experience you will never forget. Unlike studying abroad, or going on a holiday, you dive straight into the culture. Living with a family you get a chance to see what daily life is like somewhere else, and you often learn more about the people than you would being surrounded by nothing but expats. You make bonds with the kids and the parents that can last a life time. In someways you can gain a new family. You can meet people from all over the world. You get a chance to travel. You have a break in your life from paying rent and bills. You get to try new foods, live in a new place, and experience new things every day--while getting paid for it.
Well, there you have it. Just a few answers to some questions and my advice on being an Au Pair. I tried to present these tips frankly, but hope I stressed how much I have truly enjoyed (and currently enjoy) my experiences Au Pairing. Traveling and living abroad is a dream come true for me, and being able to work with kids at the same time is pretty fantastic too. If these things don't sound that terrible to you, maybe you should look into being an au pair
If you have any more questions, or are looking for advice, please feel free to ask it! And if you're a current (or former) Au Pair and I missed something you think is important, please let me know!
