A Short Au Pair Guide

Well the school year is officially over, and summer is upon us. I've been out of Spain for a week, having moved to Istanbul to work as an Au Pair for a Turkish family. This is my second time as an Au Pair, but one of countless families I've worked for over the past nine years. Child care has always been a back up job for me, one of those things that I can turn to when I need to make extra money on a flexible schedule.

I started babysitting when I was sixteen for families in my neighborhood, and since then have worked as a sitter, nanny, and au pair on and off. It has given me opportunities to work abroad, introduced me to amazing people, and helped me stay afloat during college. I love working with kids, and have been really lucky to work with some fantastic families, many of whom I still keep in touch with.

The first time I worked as an Au Pair I was twenty-ome and moved to Copenhagen, Denmark. Since then countless people have asked me questions about being an Au Pair. As I am now on my second Au Pair job, I thought I would answer some questions, and write down a few tips for anyone who is looking to work in this type of child care.


1. What is an Au Pair?

This is a question people ask a lot, so let's get it out of the way first. An Au Pair is (generally) a young live in nanny that is (generally) from another country other than your own. Au Pairs not only help take care of kids but (...generally) help teach another language to the children. Au Pairs are more like big siblings than nannies, they're (generally) concidered more part of the family than hired help. Theres a lot of "generally"s there, but bear with me. Some times Au Pairs help with house work, sometimes they do not. Sometimes they drive the children places, sometimes they don't. It all depends of the family and what they need. Though most positions are advertised for young women, it is not impossible for young men to find work an an Au Pair, and sometimes families specifically want a male Au Pair.

2. What can I expect as an Au pair?

As an Au Pair you should be ready to work up to about 35-40 hours a week, but many countries have laws requiring you to world less than that. You may be asked to do some light house work, or even cook for the kids. In most cases you'll live with the family so you need to respect the family dynamic and their wishes. Some family ask that you don't drink, and most families don't accept Au Pairs who smoke. They may ask you to be home by a certain time, or to check in with them if you're not coming home. Sometimes this feels like being a teenager again, but it's generally because they're worried about you and want to make sure you're okay, or because when you come home late at night you could wake up the children. Because you live with the family you're "always on" even when you're not working.  Have good behavior, be a role model. Its pretty common sense. Most families understand that you're an adult and are going to go out and do adult things when you're not working, but they don't want you to bring it back to their house.

In most cases you're a big sibling. You're there to watch out for the children and play with them. You have to be firm, but loving and entertaining. Refer to the parents for any sort of discipline or if you have any issues. While you're an authority figure of sorts, the parents are the one's making choices in how to raise their children and you have to respect that.


3. Ok, so, how can I become an Au Pair?

There are lots of agencies to find au pair jobs through. The upside of an agency is that you have support of the organization once placed, and the family is checked out for you. The downside is that they generally charge a fee for these services.

I prefer the free rout, and there are several online sites you can use. I recommend AuPairWorld . It has an easy format and is really straight forward. Also, AuPairWorld has lots of helpful links and pages that keep you informed on your rights as well as scams that are going around. You just fill out the profile and then start looking for families. Their "fast match" is a really great way to find compatible families without digging through pages of profiles. Another helpful site is GreatAuPair, which has a really fantastic search method for families.  Both AuPairWorld and GreatAuPair offer memberships, but i have found as an Au Pair, its not necessary to pay for membership to find a family.

4. A few tips for your profile

Definitely post a few (APPROPRIATE) pictures of yourself. Be honest (that should be obvious), and know what you're capable of. If you have never worked with infants, don't put on your profile that you can do infant care. If three kids seems overwhelming, don't accept offers with more than two kids. Make sure you answer messages promptly and politely, even if you're declining an offer make sure you add a personal note. It's just nice.

5. How do I know a family is right now me?

When you have gotten in touch with a family (or families) that seem compatible it's time to email. Email with them and ask lots of question. Ask about a daily schedule, hours, days off, home life, pay and benefits. Remember, you'll likely be living with them so its important to know that you are going to fit together. Ask to set up a Skype call so that you can talk with the family face to face. Also research the laws of the country you want to go to. Make sure what a family is asking matches up with what is legal in that country. Sometimes families who are new to having an Au Pair don't actually know these laws either, sometimes they just don't care. Many countries have pretty vague laws so use your brain and don't let yourself get talked into an unfair deal.

Continue to Skype and email with families you like and get to know them. I suggest talking to several families in order to see what your options are, but remember not to lead someone on. It's perfectly okay to tell someone you are also talking with other families. If you are offered several positions set a timeline for yourself to make a choice, and let the families know. Don't accept a position if you're not actually going to take it. 

6. But how do I know these are real people and not a creepy old man sitting in his basement?

This is where I will stress Skype video calls. See the people you're considering moving to another country to live with. Ask them for their address and use Google Street View to find the house. Ask for lots of pictures, of the family, the kids, and the house. Google search the parents names and email address, etc. If they have had Au Pairs in the past, ask for them to get in touch with you. Then you can ask lots of questions you may not feel comfortable asking the family straight away. If, by chance, you know someone living or visiting the same area ask them if they would mind meeting your friend for coffee or lunch. Make sure you're comfortable with the people you're talking to before you agree to anything.

7. What I look for in a Family

• First and foremost look for a family that you feel like you'll fit in with. People who have similar interests, who are excited to share their home and culture with you, and who are interested in your culture. 
• Where do you want to live? I pick several different countries I think I'd like to live in, and talk to several different families from each.  I generally look for families who live in a large city, or just outside. You don't want to be stuck at the house all the time and be unable to meet people your own age. Friends are important.
• Decide how many hours you want to work and how much you think is fair to get paid. Remember, being an Au Pair is not a luxurious life style. You're not going to make that much money, but it is important you don't get ripped off.
• Decide how many kids you want to take care of, and what ages you're comfortable with.  I looks for families with one to three children, from infants to teenagers. 
• Decide how many days off you're okay with. Generally speaking, I expect weekends off, however with my current job I only have one day off a week. 
• Remember to stand up for yourself, but be flexible. Just like any job you're not going to get everything you want.

8. Red Flags.

Some of these are for me personally, some are common sense.

• Anyone who asks you for a bank account or credit card number before you arrive. Nope. Just nope. You don't need to give them that information. If they're going to "refund you for a plane ticket" they can do so when you arrive.
• Anyone who asks you for money. Again, nope. You're being hired to do a job, that you should be paid for. There is no reason you should be giving a family any money at all. Paperwork for visas does cost money in many countries, and if the family wants you to pay for that, pay it directly to the visa offices.
• Families who expect you to share a room with the children. To me, this is an absolutely not. You're already giving up quite a bit of freedom living with them. Personal space is a must.
• Anyone with no children who wants a "personal assistant." Um, no. This is a creepy guy in his basement.
• People who have had several Au Pairs but aren't willing to give you a reference.
• People who want you to do more house work than child care. You are not a maid, while you may be asked to do some cleaning, the majority of your time should be spent with the children. 

9. What do I do if I don't get along with my family?

I have been so, extremely, lucky to get a long really well with all the families I've worked for. I've never had a bad experience and I've never felt unwelcome or uncomfortable. But I have seen some friends go through the stress of needing to find a new family. Here's some things you can do if you need to quickly remove yourself from a position.

• If you do not want to or cannot continue to wok for your family start looking immediately for a new position online. Find families in the area who would like you to start right away, you'd be surprised how easy this is.
• Reach out to Au Pair support groups in your area for help. There is generally a facebook group, or a website, or a local meeting you can go to. Researching these groups before you leave your home country is always a good idea.
• If you need to leave immediately and cannot find an Au Pair support group, reach out to the CouchSurfers community to find a place to stay short term (extremely short term, generally two-three nights). Or, if you can afford it, a more long term option is to check into a hostel.
• If you are being harmed or feeling threatened in any way, immediately call or go to your embassy or the police.  Here is a list of emergency numbers worldwide.
• Remember, if it is possible to leave your position amicably, it's the best. If you can, or are comfortable, tell your family that you don't think that things are working and that you will be leaving in a given amount of time. 

10. Ups and Downs

There are lots of pros and cons to being an Au Pair. 

There is no way to get around the fact that you lose  independence. You depend on the family not only for food and shelter, but as a cultural guide. Like I said before, because you live with the family, you're always "On" which means you can't necessarily relax like you would in your own home. Sometimes children are exhausting, and having endless energy and patience to deal with this can be extremely difficult. Sometimes you don't agree with the parenting methods, kids can be real monsters, and its hard to step away from that and just do your job.

Personally, I think the pros outweigh the cons. being an Au Pair is an experience you will never forget. Unlike studying abroad, or going on a holiday, you dive straight into the culture. Living with a family you get a chance to see what daily life is like somewhere else, and you often learn more about the people than you would being surrounded by nothing but expats. You make bonds with the kids and the parents that can last a life time. In someways you can gain a new family. You can meet people from all over the world. You get a chance to travel. You have a break in your life from paying rent and bills. You get to try new foods, live in a new place, and experience new things every day--while getting paid for it.

Well, there you have it. Just a few answers to some questions and my advice on being an Au Pair. I tried to present these tips frankly, but hope I stressed how much I have truly enjoyed (and currently enjoy) my experiences Au Pairing. Traveling and living abroad is a dream come true for me, and being able to work with kids at the same time is pretty fantastic too. If these things don't sound that terrible to you, maybe you should look into being an au pair

If you have any more questions, or are looking for advice, please feel free to ask it! And if you're a current (or former) Au Pair and I missed something you think is important, please let me know!

The Long Answer

It comes around inevitably, when ever you're visiting home, or some old friend on facebook has decided to chat you up. That question that has made us squirm in our seats since we were seventeen, and trying to decide on which colleges we were applying to. Everyone hates to be asked it, but for some reason at one point or another, we´re all guilty of an inability not to inquire.

"What are you doing with your life?"

Then comes your explanation of living abroad and working in a foreign country, and the somewhat bashful description of "what I'm doing with my life" right now. You never want to sound too proud of yourself, and come off as braggy; but your are proud of you're accomplishments and how much you get to travel. You think your life is pretty damn cool. It's a careful balance of avoiding over and under selling yourself, which is frankly, exhausting.  At this point though, I've come to dread the responses I get back more than the question itself. They're too predictable. Well meaning, sure, but are still guaranteed to incite a cringe.

"You're so brave! I wish I could do that!"

"But what about a job? What are you going to do when you come back to real life?"

"Aren't you lonely?"

If you've ever lived abroad, I almost promise that you've heard one version or another of these. And as sincere as these responses can be, they still make you roll your eyes and spout of some generic retort about maybe someday going back to school, or having tons of friends from all over the world. But there's so much more you want to say. A longer answer that you'll never give them, because it's hard to know who wants to listen. So you bite your tongue and cruelly turn the question back around on them. Ha! Take that. What are you doing with your life?

Today, though, I thought I´d give my long answers. The ones I keep to myself when I´m politely keeping my mouth shut. The things I want to say; the explanations that make perfect sense to me, but maybe are less obvious to others.



"You're so brave! I wish I could do that!"

I am not particularly any more or less brave than you are. I did not sign up to help refugees in Libya, or decide to circumnavigate the globe on a one person sail boat. I just moved. I found an opportunity that excited me and I took it. It just so happened to take me to the other side of the world.

But I'll let you in on a secret. I didn't do anything you couldn't do too.

I've realized that there are always a thousand reasons not to do something, a thousand excuses why not--but those are things you can overcome. If you want something work for it, work hard, and don't make excuses. Save your pennies. Fill out the thirteen page application even when you have to run every sentence through Google translate. If you're scared, it's okay. Leaving your family is scary. Going to a country where they don't speak your language is scary. Navigating train and metro and bus systems somewhere unfamiliar is scary. The thing is, being scared isn't always bad.

Here, let me throw some clichés at you.

Everything else, all those other reasons you've decided you can't do something, will work themselves out. If you want something bad enough, you can work through anything. Take the plunge, buy the airline ticket. Go. I wont tell you it´s easy. It´s not. People gloss over the nitty-gritty. They forget traveling is hard, learning another language does´t happen in a month, and sometimes people just plain suck. But in the end, it´s more than worth it. It doesn't take excess bravery, it takes determination, tenacity, and passion. Things we could all use more of in our lives.



"But what about a job? What are you going to do when you come back to real life?"

First of all, let's clear one thing up.

I have a job.

Second of all, I am not on an extended vacation. I go to work, I pay bills, I have plumbing that breaks and insurance that I have to deal with. Oh, and I have to handle all of these things in a language I don't speak. How is that not real life?  I'm not on my study abroad semester, I don't have a return ticket. Traveling is one of the most important things in my life, and if I am able to support myself and do it continuously, who says I need to move back to my home country and settle down? Why is it that life is any more real than what I'm doing right now?

My job and where I am now, is right for me. I'm happy. I have problems with it, just like I would anywhere else and with any other job. But for the most part, I'm doing what I love. Maybe in the future that will change and I'll deal with that when it comes. Before I moved to Spain I had to have two jobs and work fifty hours a week to make ends meet. I was constantly exhausted, bored, and not enjoying my life. Here, in Spain, I have a quality of life that is unbeatable. I don't have to run myself ragged to pay my rent and feed myself. I never officially work more than four hours a day. I get to meet interesting people, learn about a new culture, eat delicious food. I have a socially acceptable reason to take a nap in the middle of the day. Siesta guys. If this isn't 'real life,' remind me again why I should go back?


"Aren't you lonely?"

Sometimes, yeah. Sometimes I miss my family terribly, or I get frustrated no one speaks my language. Sometimes I feel like I don't belong, or like I'm going be by myself forever. But that's okay. Just like fear, loneliness isn't the worst feeling in the world. And admitting that you don't want to be alone isn't a weakness either.

I'm okay with being alone, I'm good at it even. I know who I am, what's more is I love who I am, and I'm okay being just that. Not everyone can say they feel this way. By being alone, I've found confidence, strength, and independence. I've become more determined, tenacious, and passionate.

I don't need someone else to make me feel complete. I am a complete person on my own, I don´t want anyone else's validation, and I don´t need it to feel good about myself.  Maybe you think my independence scares off men, and maybe it does, but I don't see that as a bad thing. Let it scare of the weak ones.

I need someone who is just as independent as I am. Someone who can bring their own views and opinions, who can teach me things as much as I teach them. I am not a lump of dough to be molded in order to find a man, and I don't want a man who needs to be molded. I don't need a man who adores me and puts me on a pedestal, I need a partner in crime. I need someone who can keep up with me, who can challenge me.

Being on your own can sometimes be lonely, but that loneliness teaches you who you are and to love the things about you that you once saw as weakness. Being lonely teaches you what you want out of life, and the type of person who you want to share those things with.

Embrace loneliness, learn from it, and then move on.




Whether you're moving out of your home town, across state, across the country, or to the other side of the world, people are going to question it. They're going to worry for you, and about you. They're not going to understand. Be patient. Be kind. Explain it to them, if you can, if you have the energy.

There are lots of things to be afraid of when you do something big with your life. You can be afraid of your future, afraid of everything that will go wrong, be afraid of being lonely. But these fears shouldn't hold us back from taking risks and making big choices. With every decision we make that takes us out of our comfort zone, if nothing else, we become more determined, tenacious, and passionate.

Going Backwards

Sometimes being abroad feels a bit like a step backwards in life.

I am twenty five, my friends are getting married, starting real jobs, moving in with boyfriends, and buying apartments.

I live in a baby-blue child´s bedroom and sleep under a sleeping bag.

When I plug in my space heater, the flat blows a fuse.

I have litterally been sick since I got here.

My job sometimes feels like a joke. I don´t even speak Spanish well enough to tell the children not to pick their noses-- and they clearly wouldn´t care if I did. Sometimes it feels like picking their noses is the only thing these children actually concentrait on.

Not to mention, the Spanish goverment has yet to actually pay us for looking after their tiny nose pickers. The constant state of ¨broke¨ is getting a little old. It´s been three months Spain, get your lives together.

So sometimes I feel like I´m eighteen again, just moving out of my parents house, trying to discover how many ways one can cook a potato.

At times, it´s disheartening. I have a college education, a decent CV, what am I doing teaching English to babies (for litterally free right now) and sharing a flat with three other people?

There is no one who will tell you that you´ll never question your choice to live aborad. Inevitably you will miss your family, your friends, your life. You will miss feeling put together and all of the clothes you left behind.

That´s ok.

When I feel like this-- like I´m tired of only owning one coffee cup and not having any bowls-- I remember all of the reasons that this is making me a stronger, more mature person.

It is not owning things that makes us adult. It´s owning the fact that we don´t need things to bring us joy.

It is not having a beautiful house that makes us mature. It is being happy with the house you can have and filling it with love.

Growing up doesn´t mean being in a relationship. It means knowing how to love yourself outside of one.

and lastly,

Money does not create happiness. But it does feed you.

How to Say Goodbye to Your City

Every time I move I feel like my last few days are a big to-do that I should take advantage of. However, I'm also really bad at acknowledging the reality of my impending departure and refuse to do anything out of the ordinary. So I've realized, perhaps, the best way to say "Goodbye" to the place you've called home isn't by making a big deal out of your leaving--but by embracing the things you do every day any way.

Here is my guide on how to not go out of your way to say goodbye to your city.



1. Quit your job early

This may seem a little obvious, but even if you like your job, quitting is such a satisfying feeling. And you can use the extra few days to enjoy the city with fewer responsibilities.


2. Eat all of the local foods.

Sometimes I forget that the rest of the world doesn't have amazing burgers on every corner and fantastic Mexican food practically falling from the sky. I will be partaking in obscene amounts of  In-n-Out and Fish Tacos; but most importantly a burrito monstrosity filled with meat, sour cream, pico de gallo, and french fries we call a California Burrito. 

3. Be a tourist in your own town

Hike to the look-out point you always make reasons not to go to. Take a stroll through the touristy district you usually avoid. Wounder through your City's Historic museum. Take this time to see things you've always been meaning to see but never got around to.

Or, be like me, and skip this step. Instead lay out of the beach and get drunk. This is your time, enjoy it.

4. Get drunk at your favorite establishments, by yourself.

Say goodbye to that bar you post up at after work. The one you stop in at because its convenient and its close to your house.This is really important: go alone. It gives you a chance to really wallow in it and soak up this place have accidentally spent so much of your time. It might not have a lot to offer ascetics wise, and probably smells like stale Doritos, but you may never be back and this is something you want to savor.

5. Spend time with your best friends

Don't worry about trying to say goodbye to everyone you've ever crossed paths with. Let's be honest, they probably wont miss your presence either. That's a lot of energy you could be spending marathoning netflix with your best friend. In fact, moving is a perfect excuse to avoid people you don't want to see. "I have a lot of packing left" will get you out of just about anything and allow you to binge on Archer episodes and eat junk food.



and lastly, but most importantly....



6. Don't panic.

Yes. This is scary. Leaving is hard, moving is hard, starting over is hard. But you can do this, and it may just be the best decision of your life.  The people who matter are going to be there rooting for you, and there is nothing stopping you from making this count.

How to be Cute and Intimidating

Part One: In Which We List Things That Are Good

• Wearing polka dots
• Knowing how to cook
• Owning a tool box (and knowing how to use it)
• Bourbon on the Rocks
• Glitter
• Funny cat videos
• Fighting the patriarchy
• Being educated
• Spell check
• Red lipstick
• Baby animals
• Cleaning supplies
• Being yourself
• Smores
• Standing up for a friend
• Cookies
• Cupcakes
• Having friends who are vegan, but not being vegan
• Books
• Perfectly packed suitcases
• Camp fires
• Lists
• Weddings
• Wedges
• Bicycles
• Sailboats
• Scotch
• Steak and potatoes
• Self confidence
• Your favorite show coming back from mid season break